Why I Skipped the Party and Chose a Retreat Instead
Hi darling,
I turned 50 during New Zealand’s Covid lockdowns — not exactly the milestone I’d imagined. The world had begun to reopen, but back home, things still felt heavy. I could have planned a party (we were capped at 50 people at the time), but as the owner of a high-end travel business with closed borders and no bookings, I honestly didn’t feel like celebrating. The thought of pretending everything was fine — champagne in hand, small talk on cue — felt hollow.
So, with the support of my family, I did something else. I booked a month away. Not a holiday. A health retreat. Space to recover, restore, and reflect — on turning 50, on what mattered next, and on how I wanted to show up for the second half.
I chose Gwinganna Lifestyle Retreat — a place I already knew and trusted. I’d been before, a several times, so I knew what to expect: the schedule, the food, the people, the land. And that was the point. After years of stressful change, what I craved most was familiarity.
But this time, I let myself upgrade the experience. For the first two weeks, I stayed in one of their Meditation Suites — tucked away, quiet, minimal. I barely left it except to walk, rest, and let my system let go. No pressure to join any activity. Just time and space, which felt like the most extravagant gift.
Then I moved into one of the Orchard Deluxe Suites — a corner suite with a luxurious outdoor bath I used a lot, surrounded by other guests it has a slightly different energy.
What I didn’t realise going in — or maybe just didn’t want to admit — was how long it takes a stressed, burnt-out body to return to any kind of baseline.
The Covid lockdowns were one thing. But losing my business — the work I’d built my identity around — was a deeper kind of grief. I cracked my back teeth from grinding them in my sleep. I was running on adrenaline long after I’d stopped running anything at all. And I was sleeping maybe four hours a night, if that.
It took me three solid weeks at Gwinganna before my nervous system even let me sleep through the night. And I wasn’t the only one. So many women — especially from Melbourne — were showing up with post-Covid trauma we hadn’t named yet.
I needed deep yin. I gave myself full permission to do nothing for the first fortnight. No pushing, no performance. Just rest. Gwinganna makes that possible — they offer an extraordinary range of movement, support, bodywork, and yes, space. I yinned out. I had baths. I journaled. I learnt mindfulness. I ate well. (They offer the option to dine alone if you choose - I wanted company, most of the time, some ate alone, and once or twice I took dinner in my room. )
Then, something shifted.
In the second half of my stay, I made a decision: I would say yes to every wild, weird, or slightly uncomfortable activity on offer. I booked therapies I didn’t think I needed (turns out, I did). I did equine therapy — a totally unguarded, unexpectedly moving experience. I joined fire ceremonies, tribal dance classes, repeated workshops. I laughed again. I softened. I started to feel like someone I recognised.
My health improved. Detoxing for four weeks anywhere else would have been impossible for me — too many distractions, too many habits. But at Gwinganna, it felt natural. While I didn’t lose much weight, I looked like a new woman, and I lost the anxiety that Covid had lodged in my chest. And that’s worth more than numbers on a scale.
Final Thoughts
I came home from that month at Gwinganna with more than just clarity — I came back calmer. Truly calmer, my family all noticed that I even walked slower! I made real friendships I still hold close. I believe — genuinely — that retreat added ten years to my life.
To this day, I drink far less. I now know I can go without entirely. My sleep is steadier. My nervous system more regulated. Nutrition is still the trickiest part (isn’t it always?) — the food at Gwinganna is so incredible, I’ve bought every cookbook they’ve ever published… but I can never quite recreate it at home. Maybe that’s part of the magic. Maybe that’s why I go back every year.
And every time, I love it just as much.
If you're curious or considering it yourself, I’ve created a guide with my personal recommendations — therapists, rooms, treatments to try — and a few things to skip. Because I’ve done it all. And I want it to feel easy for you.